Maybe they aren't such little things
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Today is a gorgeous, sunny, warm and breezy day. I'm sitting outside surrounded by accounting books and papers that I am ignoring for just a few more minutes because I'd much rather be doing anything other than my homework. I just finished a perfect iced latte and the sun is warm on my completely exposed shoulders.

You know, I have to admit something completely shallow and superficial right now. As much as my motivation for having this surgery was my health, I am really digging the being smaller thing. I am loving being able to go into Target and pull an adorable dress off the rack and buy it without trying it on, and even more than that, I love that it's an XL from the misses section and it fits perfectly when I get home. I adore the fact that I can finally pull off the adorable pixie cut that my hairdresser gave me because my face is thin enough for it to make me look fey and whimsical. I looked in the mirror the other day and realized that right now, at this particular point in time, I look exactly the way I have thought I should look for years. I'm wearing strapless bras and camisole tops and adorable sleeveless dresses as the weather warms up, and I'm getting compliments galore about them. My wrists have shrunk enough that I can finally wear bangle bracelets again and my watch needed two links taken out to fit right.

In other words, I am reveling in being thinner, in being just like the vast majority of American women.

It is still a foreign thing for me, this fitting into the realm of normal. I no longer get a second glance when I wander into a clothing store, because I can wear the clothes there. I don't have to wonder if I am going to fit into chairs at restaurants, I'm not the biggest girl in the gym when I work out, my legs are crossed whenever I am sitting down because that's what's comfortable, and I feel fucking fantastic. I am registered to do a 4 mile run with some friends in a couple weeks (we have all agreed that it will probably be mostly walking but we will do our best!), I can do yoga without suffocating myself with my boobs and I worked out enough to give my hip an overuse injury.

I admit it, I fucking LOVE being thinner. I loved being me at a bigger size too, but I'd be a liar if I said I didn't love the fact that for the first time our 25 years of friendship, my best friend and I can share clothes. I love being able to buy 4 dresses for the price I used to pay for one dress a year ago. I love not having to find shoes in a wide width, I love being able to wear tank tops on hot days without anyone giving me a second glance, I love getting on the scale and seeing it still going down. I love all of that outside appearance stuff just as much as I love the absence of heartburn and the lower cholesterol and disappearing joint pain.

Sometimes I even love it a little more because damn, it's good to look as hot as I feel.


Blogger Sassafrass said...

You said it! You said what I'm feeling. I'm physically in about the same place and love that a size xl fits without a problem. Hell, I just bought a WRAP dress. A freakin' wrap dress and ya know what? It's looks GOOD!! Thank you for sharing what you're feeling b/c it's also what I'm feeling and what many others are feeling too. Good for you. Good for us! Carpe diem.

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