One of the things that has been floating around in my head (and causing more than a little emotional distress) is how I'm going to tell people that I'm having the surgery. My husband is the one I talk to the most, of course. He's been fantastic about it...supportive yet concerned, totally willing to come to the informational seminars with me next month, already helping me find the humor in amongst the scary (like when I pointed out that I would probably lose some hair, he asked if we were going to have to do wig shopping) and listening endlessly to my random commentary as I spend an evening reading profile after profile on Obesity Help.
And I've told one of my closest friends, mostly because A) she's thought about it herself and B) her mother had the surgery 10 years ago so I'm going to be using her as one of my fonts of information. She's been really supportive too, and I know that she'll be there to hold my hand as needed. And I'm going to tell a couple of my other close friends that I know will be cheerleaders for me, especially my best friend. She's been there for me for over 20 years, she'll be there for me now.
But when I think about telling my mom...oh, my. Don't get me wrong, my mother is awesome. Everyone loves my mom, no one more than I do. We're very close, and I'm lucky enough to count her as a friend now that I'm an adult. And she never let me feel guilty about being overweight and in fact helped me end up with a rather well developed level of self confidence. My mother has been severely overweight and/or morbidly obese for her entire life. She suffered through diet after diet as a child, getting mixed messages to be thin but to always eat everything on her plate, and she did her best to make sure I never received those same mixed messages, but she gave me a whole set of my own.
I had to eat my vegetables, always...but I could eat them slathered in mayonnaise.
I couldn't have kid's cereals like Fruit Loops...but it was okay for me to dump sugar on my Raisin Bran.
And portion control? What's portion control?
I watch the way my mom eats now and I see myself in her. A mindless eater, a comfort eater, a carb addict who loves baked goods. And I see what that eating behavior has done to her after a lifetime of it.
Bad knees, fractured feet, bad back, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, wheezing. More than once, gastric bypass has been suggested to her and more than once she has turned it down. She once knew someone who had the surgery and later died of complications, and that has colored her opinion ever since. She is, quite frankly, scared to do the surgery instead of keep living with the pain and the pills and the limited activity. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't. And while I know she will support me in the end, at the beginning she will disapprove, because for some reason she disapproves of people who decide to pursue this.
I've decided to tell her after I have gone to the seminars and picked a surgeon and scheduled a consult. I want to be able to tell her everything I've learned and show her why I'm doing this. Somehow I need to do it without telling her that I'm trying not to end up like her because I don't want her feelings to get hurt over it. Because even though she's an example I *don't* want to follow, she is not the reason I'm doing it. I am the reason I'm doing this.
I just hope she understands that.
And I've told one of my closest friends, mostly because A) she's thought about it herself and B) her mother had the surgery 10 years ago so I'm going to be using her as one of my fonts of information. She's been really supportive too, and I know that she'll be there to hold my hand as needed. And I'm going to tell a couple of my other close friends that I know will be cheerleaders for me, especially my best friend. She's been there for me for over 20 years, she'll be there for me now.
But when I think about telling my mom...oh, my. Don't get me wrong, my mother is awesome. Everyone loves my mom, no one more than I do. We're very close, and I'm lucky enough to count her as a friend now that I'm an adult. And she never let me feel guilty about being overweight and in fact helped me end up with a rather well developed level of self confidence. My mother has been severely overweight and/or morbidly obese for her entire life. She suffered through diet after diet as a child, getting mixed messages to be thin but to always eat everything on her plate, and she did her best to make sure I never received those same mixed messages, but she gave me a whole set of my own.
I had to eat my vegetables, always...but I could eat them slathered in mayonnaise.
I couldn't have kid's cereals like Fruit Loops...but it was okay for me to dump sugar on my Raisin Bran.
And portion control? What's portion control?
I watch the way my mom eats now and I see myself in her. A mindless eater, a comfort eater, a carb addict who loves baked goods. And I see what that eating behavior has done to her after a lifetime of it.
Bad knees, fractured feet, bad back, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, wheezing. More than once, gastric bypass has been suggested to her and more than once she has turned it down. She once knew someone who had the surgery and later died of complications, and that has colored her opinion ever since. She is, quite frankly, scared to do the surgery instead of keep living with the pain and the pills and the limited activity. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't. And while I know she will support me in the end, at the beginning she will disapprove, because for some reason she disapproves of people who decide to pursue this.
I've decided to tell her after I have gone to the seminars and picked a surgeon and scheduled a consult. I want to be able to tell her everything I've learned and show her why I'm doing this. Somehow I need to do it without telling her that I'm trying not to end up like her because I don't want her feelings to get hurt over it. Because even though she's an example I *don't* want to follow, she is not the reason I'm doing it. I am the reason I'm doing this.
I just hope she understands that.
1 Comments:
I was afraid to tell my mother too. My mom's only sister had WLS about 5 years ago - that went fine. But then she had a hernia repair - and she has had about 4 subsequent surgeries to repair the damage that was done. To this day, she has a drain vac that sucks the infection out of the gaping wound in her abdomen. I finally got up the courage to tell my mom and after explaining all the reasons to her, she came around. My mom is MO too. I think she's actually begun to consider WLS for herself. Just take baby steps with her. She loves you and I'm sure that she wouldn't want you to end up suffering from the health issues that she is now suffering from. Good luck ((hugs))
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